Self-Criticism: Does it work for me?
“If you’re so clever, then why are you on tonight?” - The Smiths
It is often not an intentional act, but a reflexive response when we make a mistake or fail at a task. “What is wrong with you?” “You’re such an idiot” “Stop being so lazy.” These might be a few of the (toned down) self-critical thoughts you experience. Whether they come in the form of biting lines fit for lyrics to The Smiths or more blunt, I find that self-criticism is often an accepted aspect of mistakes or missed opportunities. Many patients do not always question their presence, it is just what they know. But if this is something you recognize as a common pattern in your own thinking, it might be worth a closer look.
Start by considering the impact on your own experience. When you tear into yourself, what tends to happen next? Pay attention to the emotions you feel, and how intense they seem. It is likely that whatever prompted the self-criticism has evoked some emotions, but try to notice the impact of adding self-criticism on top of that. This can also include how long these feelings linger in the wake of self-critical thoughts.
The next aspect to consider is what you tend to do as a result of being critical of yourself. If you made a mistake, and this is followed by a self-critical thought, what tends to be your next action? Maybe you are someone for whom self-criticism serves as a motivator or spurs you to correct your mistakes. You may also find that self-criticism is digging you a hole that is harder to get out of. Research suggests that people who are self-critical, particularly those who rate highly in traits of perfectionism, are more likely to engage in experiential avoidance (Moroz & Dunkley, 2019). This refers to an unwillingness to engage in uncomfortable internal experiences, such as thoughts, feelings, memories, or physical sensations. Other research has found a negative relationship between self-criticism and progress towards goals (Powers, Koestner, & Zuroff, 2007). Therefore, it is important to consider if your self-criticism is making you less likely to address the mistake or task at hand.
It is also worth considering the cumulative effect of this self-criticism. Calling yourself “lazy” or “incompetent” in a vacuum might not seem like much, but when it becomes a frequent refrain, it can start to affect how you view yourself in a broader context. You can create a narrative for yourself, and it becomes easier to find evidence that supports this perspective. These labels that you attach to yourself have the potential to impact your sense of worth, as well as your sense of self-efficacy. If you tell yourself constantly that you are “lazy” or “incompetent,” at what point do you start to accept this evaluation?
If you notice you tend to be self-critical, it may be helpful to do an honest assessment of whether this way of thinking is helping or hurting you. It is possible that being hard on yourself has allowed you to perform at a high level, and that the costs of this approach are worth it. If so, that is entirely fair and you may not need to make any changes. However, if you find that this self-criticism is weighing you down and making it harder to achieve your goals, it might be worth considering an alternative approach. Contact me if you are interested in setting up an initial consultation to discuss how we might approach this in therapy.
References
Dunkley, D. M., Zuroff, D. C., & Blankstein, K. R. (2003). Self-critical perfectionism and daily affect: dispositional and situational influences on stress and coping. Journal of personality and social psychology, 84(1), 234.
Moroz, M., & Dunkley, D. M. (2019). Self-critical perfectionism, experiential avoidance, and depressive and anxious symptoms over two years: A three-wave longitudinal study. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 112, 18-27.
Powers, T. A., Koestner, R., & Zuroff, D. C. (2007). Self–criticism, goal motivation, and goal progress. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 26(7), 826-840.